It's a marathon, not a sprint

I've never been good at running long distances. And by long distance, I mean anything longer than a mile. I know it's kind of pathetic. I have friends that run half-marathons, and 5Ks, and full marathons, and friends who say "oh you know, I got up this morning and just had to run 5 miles before starting my day!" But, me? I get a stictch in my side, and have trouble breathing, and my legs want to fall off as I near the half-mile mark. This is why pilates is working for me.

You see, I've always been more of a sprinter. All the sports I did required short burst of sometimes intense energy. And that was fine. Volleyball, soccer, track, rugby...I could do that pretty much all day long. (Actually, rugby was tough, and I was always a little relieved when the final whistle blew, no matter what the score, and I still had all my teeth.) But ask me to pace myself for the long haul, and I'd come back sweaty, red-faced, doubled-over, telling you I pulled something and could I please sit down cause I wasn't going to make it.

So here I am, metaphorically sweaty, red-faced, doubled-over, positive I've pulled an emotional something and please let me sit down cause I'm not sure I can make it.

Now, look, I know what you're thinking. I, too, hate that all these posts seem to have a similar strain: Elizabeth being dramatic about getting married and planning a wedding, thinking she's not going to make it, blah, blah, blah...

But it's true, ok? It's like being in love, or losing a loved one, or having kids (so I've heard). You don't get it until you've done it, but at the same time it's different for everyone.

But I will say that some very significant progress has been made. My sisters and future sister-in-law have actually ordered their bridesmaids dresses. My mother and father have finally met my future mother-in-law and her husband (it went very well, and included smiles, homemade blackberry jam, and some alcohol, thanks for asking). We have hotel reservations. Flowers have been ordered. I've done a hair and make-up trial run. And we've received our long-awaited and much-anticipated stationary!

Note on the hair and make-up: Of course your fiance will probably be like my fiance and say, "Why don't you just get married with your hair down and no make-up on? I think you're beautiful that way!" Aw. Bless him. And yet, let's be honest. It's not about him. It's about the photographs that will last FOREVER. When I'm 94 and wrinkled with white feathers for hair, I will want to look at the pictures of my wedding and think, "Hell yeah, I looked good!"

Plus, it was kind of fabulous doing a trial run. My hairstylist did three different dos on me. The first style was a bit 80's and looked like I had pulled it up with one of those giant banana hair clips we all know and loved. Her excuse was that I just had so much hair (I do have a lot of hair). We moved on to better things. The final look [spoiler alert!] is with my hair in loose curls, pulled and then pinned up, low and to the side, just over my right shoulder. I think it will look really great with my dress.

Then the make-up was great too because...well, someone else did it, and it's always better when someone else does it. The end product was something that even my fiance couldn't complain about.

So things are going well. We're definitely on the home-stretch. With only 10 weeks and 5 days to go we'd better be on the home-stretch. But with all of 10 weeks and 5 days, we still have a long way to go.

And truthfully...I'm tired. Remember, I'm more of a sprinter. And planning a wedding I have found is draining. Especially if you're a people-pleaser. Like me. Nevermind the time wasted at work practising your new signature, or looking at pictures of other peoples' bouquets...

Hello, nice to meet you, I'm the oldest child, desperate from birth to please just about anybody she's ever met.

So yeah. That's why I'm not sure if I can make it. Because every day is a huge question of whether or not the decisions I make about this wedding will make everyone else involved happy.

Will my friends still want to come if they're not bridesmaids? Will my aunt be offended if I don't wear her jewelry? Will my grandmother care if I use her florist or the one my cousin recommended? Will that person feel bad if I don't invite them to the wedding?

I guess it's silly when you read it out loud. But I still feel it. Thus, the red-faced, exhausted person with no stamina when it comes to emotional outpouring. I literally sob every time I watch Armageddon for crying out loud!

At some point I can only hope for what some would call a "runner's high." That point when you've gone so hard for so long that your body actually responds positively to the exertion and you feel euphoric and could go on in the same way for days.

It hasn't hit yet...but with how hard this has been for me...it's gotta come soon.